There is a strong temptation in the Christian life to always feel like we have to put our best face on all the time. Something inside us, our pride, speaks loud and tells us to silence our struggles, doubts and fears and in so doing we end up missing the very grace that God longs to extend to broken people through broken people.
I was reminded of this listening to this startling honesty coming out through this new song by rapper Eshon Burgundy, rapped by Tandeace...
Wouldn't take nothing back
When I look back, been smacked
Cracked in the face with the back of his hand
Pushed down on the bed, pulling on my legs
Said I wouldn't give it so he gon' take it
Flash back to my father leaving me
Sped up to my cousins grinding me
Slow down to my dying heart beat
I was just a kid. You a big god
Why you let it happen, now I'm all scarred
Looking for your love, why you so far?
Is you really real? I don't think you are
You don't got a heart. You don't got a care
When you ever show up, I aint see you there
I heard you was chasing me, cause I couldn't see you facing me
Keep it real you was really cold-casing me
Now I'm laying in this bed
Thinking in my head “why it always gotta end like this?”
Why I gotta be the girl that's always throwing up fists
Fighting through life all my life, did you write this?
Can you rewrite this, what you mean it's a gift?
More like a cross
What you did a coin toss gambling my life with the devil
That's supposed to get me on my heart, being rebel(?)
Yeah I know that I could never think on your level
All I'm tryna do is understand, can we level?
All you need from me is to believe then it's settled
I'm giving you my heart and the chains like a medal
Artist: Eshon Burgundy
Track: Look Back ft. Tandeace (Howtown Freestyle)
Album: For God's Sake mixtape
You can listen and download the song here too if you want
We all have skeletons we try to keep hidden, hurts, struggles even doubts about God that we often never voice, but it is in sharing our brokenness that we can learn to see, hear and know the healing power of Jesus through others sharing again of his available, sufficient and all-consuming grace for all of our past, present and future sins and struggles.